Could You Go 7 Years Without Your Cell Phone & Only Communicate By E-Mail? Ed Sheeran Has and it May Be Why His Music’s Shitty Now

a.k.a. “The Ed Sheeran Cell Phone Challenge”

So apparently Ed Sheeran hasn’t used a cell phone since 2015. The story goes in 2015 Ed Sheeran was fed up using his cell and having to text people back all the time (god forbid) that he gave it up and now only checks his email every few days.

First off, what luxury to not have to give a damn. Most people have to stay in contact with the outside world at the very least to keep in contact with their job and make sure none of their relatives are about to die.

Secondly, I realize I’m jealous of him, but then think, why can’t I just do that too? Then I remember I’m not Ed Sheeran and if I had no phone to keep in touch with friends and fam, I would no longer just be the guy who’s kind of just randomly off the grid sometimes, I would just always be off the grid.

“Where’s Jake? Oh he’s probably around, or maybe in Aruba. Or dead. Who knows, mans don’t have mobile no more.” *in a patois*

That would be how people would talk about me if I only communicated by E-MAIL!

But this most importantly begs the question. Is there a correlation between less cell phone use and the exponential decline in quality of creative music produced?

The answer of course is a resounding yes, for the first time empirically proven by the man Sheeran himself.

I give you exhibit A. The year is 2015. Ed Sheeran is a ruddy-faced young lad texting and tweeting his little heart away on his iphone 5. He’s just put out the critically acclaimed Multiply album and finished a world tour. This is the type of output he’s coming up with:

Track list still looks pretty good. “One,” “Photograph,” “Shirtsleeves.” I mean I don’t actually really like Ed Sheeran, but objectively these are not bad songs.

On the other hand…

Holy shit! What is this goofy-ass eurotrash disco dance club track I see before me? This is hardly the stripped-down, corny love ballads of Ed’s youth. Also what in god’s name is happening with this video. Looks like a middle schooler visited the gay part of a mardi gras parade then got ahold of a free trial of After Effects.

Yeah, the whole Equals album is pretty bad. Like, “I only send a few emails a week to make plans with friends” kind of bad.

I’m not saying there’s proof of causation here, but it’s an awfully strong correlation.

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